Who You Are

Who is God? What does His character look like? These are the questions I've been going through a lot in my mind this last week. I was listening to a sermon by Jill Briscoe and she was sharing a lot about how we forget God's character and who He is when we view Him through the lens of the hard or terrible things we are going through. We see it as Him doing all those things or allowing them to be....instead of placing before our eyes the truth of who the Lord is in the midst of those things.
What does the Bible say about Him and how He operates? What do we know to be true in our own lives? Our minds are apt to just freak out and forget all we know to be true. We have to "mind our minds" and really take a hold of what we are thinking about. We must rehearse the attributes of God so that we know - not just feel - who God is in each situation. "Mind your mind and God will mind your heart." This really hit me. My eyes have been on the difficult things and it's distorted my view of God. I have not been guarding my mind. And it had taken a toll on my relationship with the Lord.

I took a day to just rest with Jesus last week. I had been so overwhelmed with everything the last week and just felt like every area of my life was unstable and didn't know how to work through thing and get to the other side. I knew I just needed to get alone with God...so I did. I cancelled all my plans and found a quiet place to spend time with Him. I went through every last thing I was thinking and feeling - wrote all of them out. I finally was able to get it all out - it felt really good - yet painful. I now saw what my problems were. I starred at that piece of paper for a long time - slowly added more to it as things came up in my mind. I was expecting to just leave it as is, but He didn't want that for me....He didn't want me to stay in the midst of my pain and let it be. I heard His gentle voice speak "I belong"..."I am the beloved child of the Most High God. He created me and loves me....He knows me and won't leave me" The tears freely came. So much of my life I've been fighting to belong - to feel totally secure and at peace.....He spoke right to it. "You belong to Me." He went on to have me write His truth next to every last one of the things I was dealing with. He didn't coax my insecurities, He proclaimed His truth over them and destroyed the lies of the enemy. I read through many passages of scripture - mainly Psalm 23 and 139. "I shall not want"..."You laid Your hand upon me"...."even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for You are with me"......these truths brought such peace to my heart.

I sat for three hours going through all of this as I stayed on a bench in front of the ponds on campus. I went back to my house and just sat in my room kinda in shock from all that He shared. It was super intense. I tried reading the Bible again - but felt a weight was over me. He quietly asked "Will you write a song with Me?" - "Of course" I grabbed my notebook and pencil and started writing the words as He gave them. He showed me how I was viewing things and then revealed to me more of who He was...."For who You are is good. And nothing You do in my life could ever be wasted."....the next day the tune was still in my head...and that truth kept playing in my mind as difficult things came up still and as I felt discouraged..."who You are is good" God is good. Like if I really stop and recognize the meaning behind that statement...morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; kind; honorable; worthy; reliable; dependable; warm.....these are just a few of the words Webster's dictionary uses to define "good" - the further I go into it the more I'm amazed. Do I really believe all this to be true about God? If I do, how can I see it in my life today? Am I living in light of who He is or in light of something else? I wasn't. I was allowing what happened that day and people's opinions of me to dictate how I was doing.

It's so easy to say "I believe these things about God" - but if I actual live like I believe them - my life is utterly changed. I won't be unstable - because God is my stability. I won't be worried when things seem to be in chaos - for He is in control and is good. Nothing He does or allows is without meaning or purpose. He is trustworthy.

This passage I've read over and over again:
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say on the Lord." - Psalm 27:13-14 

I believe I will see His goodness - and I have already. I know who He is. If my eyes are ever on Him, no matter how hard it gets, I will be secure.

"Oh my anchor is secure in who You are"